How emotions can cause us problems is something you can probably understand. How unconscious<\/em>\u00a0feelings can cause deep systemic and lasting problems is a bit more difficult to understand. Have you ever, for example, asked yourself what could cause procrastination? It may seem far fetched, but procrastination is caused by emotions<\/em>.<\/p>\n Most of our daily lives we do not \u2018suffer\u2019 from big emotions like fear, anger, sadness. And if we do (especially if it lasts) we know that we suffer from some kind of emotional imbalance.<\/p>\n Our everyday experiences are not expressed in emotions but in states<\/em>. A state is your way of being in the moment. For example you could feel \u2018open\u2019, \u2018connected\u2019, \u2018curious\u2019 and so on. No big emotions here but just states of mind<\/em>. And as you register your day to day life you will notice that your state fluctuates throughout your day.<\/p>\n Procrastination<\/a> is the state<\/em> people experience when they need to do a task at hand, but they postpone the actual doing<\/em> of that task. To procrastinate is a very common problem, and sometimes, with very big consequences.<\/p>\n When the postponed task is finally performed it is often done at the very last moment. As if some sort of pressure or time constrain is needed to finally do that what needs to be done.<\/p>\n Stress is a very common consequence of procrastination. This is easy to understand. Because when you know you need to do a task, and postpone it all the time, till you have no other option because you are running out of time, stress seems a logical experience.<\/p>\n A lot has been written about what could be the cause of procrastination in the hope this could lead to some sort of \u2018solution\u2019 for this problem.<\/p>\n For example it has been written that procrastination can be caused by poor planning\u00a0<\/em>skills, <\/i>or\u00a0a lack of motivation<\/em>, even some form of attention deficit<\/em>, and perhaps a learning disability<\/em> and so on. I have learned through the years that most of these \u2018causes\u2019 are challenging to solve. People have a really hard time implementing the solutions prescribed and the solutions are quite often postponed<\/em> in themselves. Even people who are highly motivated to change their procrastinating behavior get stuck regularly. It’s not for a lack of wanting<\/em> to change, the solutions for these causes just don\u2019t seem to do the trick<\/em>.<\/p>\n I have worked with quite a few college students that have this particular problem. There are a variety of behaviors that can lead to procrastination.<\/p>\n A common way of behaving might go as followed: A test is coming up and a certain amount of time for preparation is essential to be able to make the test. The student knows that, and understand the urgency of this deadline. However every day when the notion comes up to study for the test, some other more appealing thing pops up. Things like: playing video games; hanging out with friends; watching Netflix; smoke some pot or any other thing that seems more appealing than studying. And even though the deadline draws nearer, with all consequence in sight, picking up a book just does not seem to make the priority list. Even when the consequences can be serious.<\/p>\n I worked with a physics student who is bright and self-aware, but he managed to get almost kicked out of university. Why? Because he managed to exceed every timetable the school had set for him. He did not do his tests on time but managed to get a second chance most of the times. When that second chance came along, he still managed to just do just the bear minimum. The consequence? He almost failed every test.<\/p>\n But this was not the only thing he postponed. To be able to live his daily life he\u00a0had to apply for a scholarship so he would have the required funding. You guessed it, he also postponed that to that very last moment.<\/p>\n Now this had been going on for some years until I got an email from him saying: \u201cYou got to help me, I am going to be kicked out of school\u201d.<\/p>\n As this seemed like an urgent situation, we planned a first appointment within days of that email.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a nightmare\u201d, he said when he walked through the door. \u201cI normally do my studying in the library, but it\u2019s closed, and I have to work in my student flat, it\u2019s just a nightmare, everything is a nightmare.”<\/p>\n We talked for a while about what was going on for him and how long he had been experiencing this ‘nightmare’. He recalled many situations where he just \u201cmissed the strength to start studying\u201d. This ‘lack of strength’ led to postponing almost anything related to studying.<\/p>\n As he summarized all his experiences he gasped,\u00a0\u201cI feel so much frustration, why can\u2019t I succeed?\u201d He seemed to get more and more emotional and I asked him: \u201cWhen you feel all that, what are you predicting<\/em> that\u2019s is going to happen?\u201d<\/p>\n He immediately responded. \u201cThat I won\u2019t make it and I have to give up\u201d.<\/p>\n This shook him. The awareness of the unconscious prediction he was making about his own experience changed the look on his face. He spontaneously started to recall experiences in the past where he just couldn\u2019t put his mind to it. I could tell he was getting anxious. I asked him: \u201cwhat do you experience?\u201d<\/p>\n He replied: \u201cIt’s like a huge mountain in front of me, it feels awful, I just want to run away.” By the way he was looking I could tell he was almost about too.<\/p>\n \u201cHow big is that mountain?\u201d I replied.<\/p>\n His hands reach up to the ceiling, \u201cIt is huge, no way around it and it is dark, pitch-black.\u201d<\/p>\n As he is gazing up to this enormous mountain in his inner landscape*<\/strong> I propose the following.\u00a0\u201cLet\u2019s do a little experiment.”<\/p>\n “Imagine you have a remote control in your hand, and this remote only has one function, it can turn the darkness of the mountain in front of you into a lighter shade.\u201d \u201cAre you up for that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah I am willing to give that a try.\u201d As he is concentrating a couple of minutes pass by and he starts to relax.<\/p>\n \u201cThe mountain is brighter now”, he tells me, “but what\u2019s is funny if that the mountain seems to be shrinking at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat difference would it make for you if the mountain remains like this when you have a deadline for something?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy whole life would be different!\u201d \u201cI would feel no frustration anymore and could actually be productive.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWould you want to give that a try for the next two weeks?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure\u201d he says. As he walks out of the door, he stops and says: \u201cI cannot believe what I am feeling in my body right now. I feel content with myself, as if I am free, and what is even stranger, I cannot feel the frustration anymore.\u201d “All these heavy emotions, it is as if they are gone, just gone!”<\/p>\n The way we feel determines how we behave. Many times we are not aware of this at all. We just notice our behavior, and feel frustration when we want to do something but postpone doing it. It is almost impossible to get a sense of what is going on at a more fundamental level by ourselves. Unconscious emotions arise from the unconscious predictions we make. And all of this is outside our conscious awareness. The only thing you<\/strong>\u00a0notice is the end state that all of this creates: procrastination!<\/p>\n Would you like to improve your coaching or therapeutic skills? Do you wish to learn how to resolve deep patterns with clients? Do you want to take your skills and knowledge to the next level? Vist the Relation Emotion Therapy and Coaching page<\/a>. What you can learn there has the ability to change your work and life!<\/p>\n Are you having problems getting things done, or do you experience to much stress when you need to get something done? Do you want to learn about how you can work with unconscious emotions? Go to the coaching page<\/a> and book an appointment.<\/p>\nEmotions versus states<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Stress and\u00a0<\/strong>procrastination<\/h4>\n
Postponing the solution<\/h4>\n
College students procrastinating<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Almost kicked out of college<\/h4>\n
A procrastination nightmare<\/h4>\n
Light in the dark<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Feelings create your behavior<\/h4>\n
Professional development?<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Personal Coaching?<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Solving relationship issues<\/strong><\/h4>\n