{"id":10810,"date":"2020-07-09T11:49:20","date_gmt":"2020-07-09T11:49:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wassilizafiris.nl\/the-effects-of-divorce-on-a-child\/"},"modified":"2023-02-08T11:50:10","modified_gmt":"2023-02-08T11:50:10","slug":"the-effects-of-divorce-on-a-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wassilizafiris.nl\/en\/the-effects-of-divorce-on-a-child\/","title":{"rendered":"The effects of divorce on a child"},"content":{"rendered":"

The effects of divorce on a child (in later life)<\/h3>\n

What is the influence of unconscious emotions on our everyday life? Can experiences in the past that seemed solved, influence our daily behavior? How are our emotions made? What do our past experiences and the predictions we make about our life have to do with each other? <\/span>In this blog I will explain how <\/span><\/span>seemingly<\/span><\/span> unrelated experiences can cause detrimental everyday emotions<\/span><\/span>. “The effects of <\/span>divorce<\/span><\/a> on a child in later life”, part 1.<\/span><\/p>\n

Procrastination and anxiety<\/h4>\n

I have been working with a student. He\u2019s about 23 years old and as many students he finds it hard to concentrate on studying. In his case this is severe, and he procrastinates whenever he gets the opportunity. <\/span>However<\/span><\/span>, this is not the only symptom he called my help for. He also suffers from social anxiety. He finds it challenging to mingle with his student friends. In fact, he does not have a lot of friends and experiences loneliness. He spends hours playing online games to distract himself. More and more he isolates himself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Worry<\/h4>\n

He worries a lot. About almost every aspect of his life, as he puts it. He spends nights worrying about others, about what they might think of him. Also, about not studying and what girls might think of him. About how he does not fit in. He is emotional and feel sad often. Worry seems his \u2018go to\u2019 state.<\/p>\n

Dividing attention between parents<\/h4>\n

As we are talking about all these things he says: \u2018I spend too little time with my parents’. \u2018<\/span>I feel<\/span><\/span> I am not spending enough time with my parents, and <\/span>I feel<\/span><\/span> guilty about that’. As he is speaking, he becomes more emotional and says, \u2018I fall short\u2019. <\/span>As we are talking and probing deeper into the emotions, he says that he finds it <\/span><\/span>really<\/span><\/span> hard to divide his attention between his parents<\/span><\/span>. You must realize that he hardly sees his dad. Even though his father keeps on trying to connect with him in various ways. After the divorce he <\/span>basically<\/span><\/span> grew up with his mother.<\/span><\/p>\n

Detrimental decision<\/h4>\n
\n
The emotions swell and then I ask him, \u2018In what memory are these feelings embedded in?\u2019. He stares for a minute and cries out loud. \u2018I had my throat tonsils removed as a kid. I remember waking up from the operation. This was <\/span>just<\/span><\/span> after the divorce of my parents. I was about to go home and saw both my parents at the end of my bed. Still drowsy I wanted to jump in both their arms. Then I realized I <\/span>was supposed<\/span><\/span> to go home with one of them and not both.\u2019 He then asked, \u2018who\u2019s turn is it for me to stay with?\u2019.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
At that moment he realized that it was his father\u2019s turn. But before he could say anything his mother said, \u2018<\/span>just<\/span><\/span> come home with mum, I will take care of you’. He hardly could do anything else but make that detrimental decision to go home with his mother. He still recalls his father\u2019s face and ever since he hardly has had contact with his father.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Falling short<\/h4>\n

The feeling of \u2018falling short\u2019 has been an enormous part of his life. He feels he falls short as friend, as student. In his intimate relationships and towards his father whom he hardly sees or speaks. But who keeps on sending him messages about that he misses him. <\/span>Strangely<\/span><\/span> enough, falling short, to his dad never seemed a real problem\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Past projects our future<\/h4>\n

In how we construct our sense of reality we build conceptual realities. Conceptual realities are templates about core aspects of our life. Concepts are ideas about what love is, success, connection and so on. And also, about what \u2018falling short\u2019 means. These emotional concepts form templates in our unconscious. Whenever a feeling occurs that can <\/span>be traced<\/span><\/span> back. Back to a crucial experience that formed the basis experience of that concept. The past will project our future and so we relive the meaning of that concept in our everyday lives. Without <\/span>consciously<\/span><\/span> knowing about it.\u00a0Go to <\/span>Relation Emotion Therapy and Coaching<\/span><\/a> for the English page about this subject.<\/span><\/p>\n

Part 2<\/h4>\n
\n
Are you curious about how the story ends? Read part 2 “Choosing between parents<\/a>“. <\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
Would you like help for to resolve your stuck feelings? Go to the Life Coach page<\/a> for one on one coaching. You’ll <\/span>be surprised by<\/span><\/span> the possibilities.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

Solving relationship issues<\/h4>\n
\n
Do you wish to avoid a potential divorce and resolve relationship issues? Go to the Life Coach page<\/a> and mention “Relationship coaching” when you contact me for an appointment.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Wassili Zafiris<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The effects of divorce on a child (in later life) What is the influence of unconscious emotions on our everyday life? Can experiences in the past that seemed solved, influence…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":10808,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[80,82,83,295,264],"tags":[240,242,239,85,224,109,241],"class_list":["post-10810","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-blog-en","category-coaching-en","category-happiness","category-relaties-en","category-relationships","tag-childdivorce","tag-childtherapy","tag-divorce","tag-nlp-en","tag-relationshipcounseling","tag-therapy","tag-traume"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe effects of divorce on a child - Wassili Zafiris<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What are The effects of divorce on a child - Wassili Zafiris? 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